What Happened.
I'm not sure where to start with this blog, but I know it needs to be written. Some explanation, in the time capsule that is this site, should be given for the significant amount of time I've not been working on the game.
Recently my life fell apart. Completely. One of the biggest and most abrupt changes, was my marriage ending. I couldn't go home, couldn't just go knock on my kid's door to say hello. My kids are Everything to me. It was my own personal hell. And that was only part of the collapse. I was at rock bottom, and there are no words for what it felt like. If you've been there you know.
While I wouldn't wish TRULY hitting rock bottom on anyone, the completeness of it offers an opportunity. When the slate is wiped clean and you're forced to rebuild, you're granted a certain kind of freedom. I've been working to build a new life since.
I've not tried to hide my struggle with anxiety and depression, but I also hope it hasn't been a Central or even obvious part of this blog.
Starting over has taken every ounce of will. Game development, and every other recreational passion, has taken a back seat to simply coping with life. It's been months and I'm only now able to do any kind of relaxing in the evenings. Getting blindsided by life is quite the anxiety ride.
As you might expect, my old life wasn't terribly conducive to mental well-being. My relationship was not a healthy one, and it had been grinding me down for a long time. My game’s progress had already slowed well before my personal life exploded.
All of that is to say… the project has been on ice for many months, and don't have a good idea as to when I'll really be back at it.
I WILL BE BACK AT IT.
Being FORCED to start your life over from scratch SUCKS. But the process of thoughtfully crafting your life from square one is exciting, and therapeutic.
I feel better. I'm still scared, but not terrified. I'm doing more than I thought I could. I'm figuring out who I want to be.
It's not over. I'm well aware there are more awful days ahead. Some of them are already on the calendar. But… I'm having game ideas I'm watching Dev streams on twitch. I'm thinking about my project & where I left off.
Things are changing for the better. I can't promise more blog posts soon, or anything else specifically, but I now believe - I'm not done.